Drawing the line between drive and compassion
“What happened? …. that kind of change where you went, ‘Where did you really stop holding on, and let go, and started living?’ Found that moment when you go, yeah… That’s where. I will live right here. I’m willing to die here and I’m so alive here.”
- Randall Wallace, Braveheart screenwriter (“The Truth Barrel with Gabrielle Reece and Neil Strauss” podcast from 5/30/17) ______________________________
The first time I heard that I got butterflies. Then proceeded to rewind & play it over five times in a row. You know that feeling when you hear something and it just resonates so deeply inside you? Like YES, THIS SPEAKS TO ME. Well that’s what happened. And for better or for worse, I have been profoundly moved similarly in SO MANY WAYS in this past year alone, all thanks to a newfound love for listening to podcasts and reading more.
But I want to rewind for a second and unpack “that moment” and what I’m referring to.
It’s a space. One that exists when you are so certain in living a truth, whatever that truth may be, that you are – with all your being – unapologetic and unaffected by anyone else’s reaction to that truth – good or bad.
I don’t mind saying, I WANT THAT MOMENT. Bad. And for so many things.
If you’re here and you’re still reading, I bet you want “that moment” in some capacity too.
Full disclosure, I have gone back and forth for the last month trying to decide how to open up this blog. Among approximately 1,000 different thoughts, here’s a snapshot of a pretty consistent internal dialogue:
TIME TO STOP HIDING.
GIVE YOUR IDEAS A HOME, OUTSIDE YOUR HEAD!
OH GOD. WHERE DO I START?
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO SAY.
I’M MORE A TALKER THAN A WRITER!
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.
CALM DOWN, GO FOR A WALK.
GREAT, NOW I HAVE 2,000 IDEAS.
OOOH, MAYBE I’LL START WITH THAT PODCAST.
SCIENCE OF MOTIVATION
OH WAIT, MAYBE THAT ONE.
BRENE BROWN ON VULNERABILITY
PERFORMANCE VS. CONNECTION
WHAT ABOUT GROWTH VS. FIXED MINDSET?
LIFE IS ART & ART IS LIFE!
MAYBE I CAN TIE THEM ALL TOGETHER?
KIMMY! JUST START.
IT’S DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT, GO. 3, 2, 1…
WAIT! HOLD ON. BACKGROUND CONTEXT.
FORGET CONTEXT FOR NOW!! KEEP IT SIMPLE.
CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER?
NO, INTUITIVE. HONOR YOUR ORGANIC HEART.
KEEP IT RAW.
IT ALL GOES BACK TO PLAYING SOCCER.
START WITH SOCCER!
OHH BUT I CAN’T, NEED MORE TIME.
GRAD SCHOOL?
NIETZSCHE’S APOLLONIAN VS. DIONYSIAN COMPLEX
DIALECTICS & RELATIONAL DIALECTICS THEORY
MASLOW’S 4 LEVELS OF AWARENESS
CROSSFIT?
HEARTBREAK IS A GIFT
WOAH THERE, TOO SOON.
RUNNING SPRINTS
COACHING SOCCER CHANGED MY LIFE.
LOVE, HAPPINESS, FULFILLMENT
STAY IN YOUR LANE.
WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW.
I would continue, but my hands are now sweating re-living my nightmare writing process.
Long story short, (just kidding, too late for that) I have been overwhelmed with where to start. With that stream-of-consciousness above as just a glimpse of what I’d like to discuss… the reality is that I’m here now for the sake of starting already. I want so badly to write the perfect first post and it ain’t gonna happen.
So while this may feel wordy, messy, and a little all over the place – that’s me. Part of this first post is me needing to vocalize how much this blog terrifies me and is stressing me out. HOWEVER, it’s more good stress than bad. I’m more excited than scared, especially when it comes to hopefully starting some badass discussions about life.
I’m reluctant to draw boundaries on what I’ll be writing about, because I trust that this will evolve organically. And that’s pretty much my style. If I HAD to be a little more concise with my objectives though, for the time being, I would want you to know that this is what I WANT:
To better understand, expand, and justify human perception, motivation, behavior, and connection.
I say this as an individual who is fascinated by philosophy and the intersection of body and mind as a way to better understand life.
Before I hit post, I’ll go ahead and ask one of the questions that has really driven me to start this blog:
WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE BETWEEN THE DRIVE TO ACHIEVE, AND SELF-COMPASSION?
Quick follow-up: How do you get to “that moment” of feeling like you are enough?
Among two extremes that I’d apply to drive vs. compassion, I have in mind these two readings:
(Note: the first is a book, the second is a long article, and you better believe I’d highly recommend reading both.)
- “Relentless” -Tim S. Grover
- “Don’t Beat Yourself Up” -Mark Leary, https://aeon.co/essays/learning-to-be-kind-to-yourself-has-remarkable-benefits
If all of this seems like a lot of overanalyzing, that’s cool, thanks for stopping by. Make no mistake about it, I have far more questions than answers. For what it’s worth though, I’ve realized that the more I push my mind like I push my body, the more I get that feeling of pure exhilaration. It’s like I’m thinking and feeling in HD. Life is beautiful. It’s magic. And it’s why I’m here.