Proceeding without caution

Question: How do you find that sweet spot/equilibrium/perfect threshold for anything?

Are you more likely to get there by being careful? Or going full speed without caution?
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Trick question. Mwahahaha. It depends, doesn’t it? And that sweet spot is an infinitely moving target anyway.

In this post I wanna talk about the unbalanced balance between living and reflecting. In other words, FREAKIN DOING THE THING. LIGHT’S OUT. NO CAUTION. Without “being careful” as every other person will usually advise you to be.

THEN!!!!! AND ONLY THEN – AFTER full engagement with the thing – taking the time to reflect/evaluate. Not the other way around.

Put another way:

At a certain point, analysis becomes an indulgence; too much isn’t necessary.
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And here I am… back at it after a little blogging hiatus.

Quick story: Even though I’m only two months into teaching high school English, over the past two weeks I have already said (rather dramatically, and on multiple occasions) that THAT’S IT, I’m not doing it anymore. (I should also mention that since the new year, we are yet to have a full week of school thanks to three snow days and MLK Jr. Day…)

Let me be clear: I LOVE the teaching itself.

What I DON’T LOVE, are all the policies and procedures that exist in high school.

Translation: I HATE THEM.

(And in saying that, I also take responsibility for letting them drain me.)

I feel like a wild animal chained up. I refuse to settle into a path of least resistance, and I sure as hell don’t want to turn into the martyr teacher who sacrifices it all. Neither are necessary.

I’m caught between believing the ubiquitous story that “it will get better”, and the intense feeling in my gut that says “yes, but not here”.

These two things I know to be true:

1. I appreciate structure but I wanna disregard it when creativity strikes.
2. Like anyone else – I want to belong, but at times, I also need to run free to be ME.

Is my internal Jekyll vs. Hyde simply going at it?

Or am I just obsessed with the idea of breaking outside any given construct?
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I say all this, and here’s what I really wanna say to myself:

TOUGH LUCK!

Be the performer, not the critic.
Two feet over the line.
Continue to do the best that I can.
Do that every single day.
And have faith, the rest will fall into place.

We tell others to be careful out of love. But what could we all stand to be a little less careful about?