Oscillating

I oscillate between intensely living in my frame, and intensely observing it.

This happens physically and mentally, sometimes in isolation. With others, without others — sometimes simultaneously. Dionysian, Apollonian.

Time and time again — with just a little momentum and focus in any direction, I become intoxicated in moments.
(It’s the choosing which direction that’s always the hardest part.)

What this translates to:

Physically, once “on”, it can feel damn near impossible to pivot over to a deep mental experience.

Mentally, once “on”, it can feel damn near impossible to pull away (from reading, writing, thinking, philosophical conversations, etc.), and redirect into a deep physical experience.

Sidenote: I realize that one is never ENTIRELY in a purely physical or purely mental state. But in sharing this post, I mean physical in the most active way, and mental in the most reflective way.

For a number of reasons, coaching soccer was a perfect fit and application to both challenge & satisfy all of this for me. The conditioning, the tryouts, the practices, the “vibe” cultivating, the pregame/postgame, the halftime talks, the GAMES <3 !! All of it.

And yet… once I demonstrated my ability in that platform to the extent that felt complete, I arrived at a gut-wrenching place…

I realized that I had killed my ability to continue to coach the game at the same depth and intensity that I’m wired for.

In no way am I done coaching, teaching, or competing. I am not done DOING what I love(!), or loving others(!), for that matter.

With every death, there is a birth.

At this time I feel drawn to expanding my ability to teach communication.

I also feel drawn to becoming a real surfer. :)

Part of me thinks I should just choose one, a greater part of me knows that I need both.
And, every part of me knows…

To feel satisfied in any platform, community is not only necessary, but essential.

Time to go buy a surfboard. ;)

 
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