Recalibrating
What I wanted to name this post was this:
Scrooge, walking, running, sunlight, kombucha, my metaphorical cocoon, and a little less balance.
Yeah. Would’ve been a little much.
I know. I know!
In a snapshot: I was feeling like Scrooge this past weekend – probably influenced by teaching “A Christmas Carol” to 10th graders right now, but not the point. I miss soccer season. I miss all the green leaves on the trees. I miss the sun being out for more hours each day. I miss long hikes in the mountains.
.
Saturday I walked at Great Falls Park in the first snow of the season. Instantly felt 1000x better. Nature and sunlight and running are my go-to’s for feeling love. Sunday I ran by feel & not pace and felt AMAZING. I remembered how much I love to run in 40-50 degree air. I noticed the message on my kombucha bottle that read “raw, unadulterated & crafted by nature” – what a way to live! I read a few chapters of “Mindset.” I read a few chapters of “Finite and Infinite Games.” I read some Ray Bradbury, and learned about his demon “not afraid of happiness.” I spent time with my family. Inspiration and love.
.
Cup full once again.
.
.
.
I also just don’t know.
First of all, I blame Ray Bradbury – “What we have here, then, is a very unusual approach to writing and discovering, not knowing the outcome. To move ahead on a blind journey, running fast, putting down thoughts as they occur.” Because that style is about to go down.
Second of all, my life has NOT been balanced the last few weeks. Once again I feel messy, but this time I’m kind of owning it.
And that right there is really my intent with this post. That it’s a weird space to be in when intuition gets to take control, but there’s a guilt surrounding it. Not because I know what I’m missing out on, but because I do know – and I’m okay with it.
Anyone else ever feel like that?
Last week I only went to the gym three times.
(Two other times I signed up but canceled like a baby when it was 5:30am and I was too cold to get out of bed.)
I’ve been consuming new books like crazy.
I normally HATE sitting still, but suddenly have the patience and focus to grade papers for hours. (Seriously, HOURS. Like it feels borderline disturbing to admit that, but it’s true.)
I have been CRAVING sunlight and the hour of time that it takes to walk four miles outside each day. More than food, more than sleep, more than going to the gym.
With all that being said – I want to address tuning out who and what doesn’t feel necessary. Doing so based on seasons. And through it all, asking this:
Is the best way to know what you really NEED, to take things away?
I know this is a little all over the place… but just imagine this post as a snowball going down a mountain. Roll with it and there will be plenty to unpack by the time it crashes at the bottom. :)
True story, I started doing some weird things this past week. When I wasn’t able to walk or go to the gym Thursday, I started sealwalking across the wood floor in the kitchen as I was making dinner. (Who knew socks work just fine? You don’t even need sliders!) Then inchworms with a pushup. Then air squats. At that point I was ready to go outside and do Death by 10 Meters on my driveway.
Ultimately, who cares if I didn’t workout one day? My body will clearly move itself if it needs to. I held the first winter conditioning practice for high school soccer that Thursday. It was 40 degrees outside but the effort was tremendous. The sunset was beautiful. Why wish for BETTER right there? There’s no need to. I think the cream really does rise to the top.
So, what about you?
What are your non-negotiables?
What you NEED everyday?
Right now?
What I NEED to do every day right now is different than what I needed three weeks ago. I need to show up Monday through Friday and ADD VALUE to the life of every student I teach. I need sunlight and time outside each day. Besides that and a couple other things, everything I need to live at a relatively optimal level is covered.
Now what do I WANT? Oh, plenty. But back to ones and zeroes – if it’s not an absolute need (one), than it doesn’t need to be addressed (zero).
At the end of the day, I know that I don’t need to explain myself. None of us do. Here’s the thing – I want to when it comes to this final point:
Protecting your heart.
I share this, because for whatever reason – the metaphor of building a cocoon came to me while I was walking this afternoon. And like my unbalanced life lately, I’m owning it. I’m at a point where I know that I know nothing. I mean that truly. But at the same time, I believe deeply in my core values.
Making a stronger conscious effort to block out unnecessary noise has helped fine-tune my intuition. It’s a constant battle to not “feed the weeds,” but it’s worth it. And so what I do take in is much clearer and meaningful. I will always want to share with others! But I’m learning how to withdraw more to within. I know it might seem a little antisocial, but it’s not. It’s just being more intentional with my focus and energy, for right now. Building a cocoon takes work! After all, I’m hoping that someday I’ll be that beautiful butterfly. Until then, I’ve gotta put in the work it takes to build the best damn cocoon that I can. And as I do that, I’m honoring my right to guard my heart and my vibes.
Just like trusting the cream will rise to the top, I believe the right people, the right things, and the right tribes attract themselves to each other. Consider this – we don’t “settle” in the midst of not being balanced. We learn to recalibrate the scope, depth, and magnitude of what it is that we not only want, but need.
Just one article to share this time! Another shoutout to my sister who actually passed this along a few months ago. I instantly loved it and hope you do too:
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/22/well/mind/maybe-we-all-need-a-little-less-balance.html