Where do you choose (and not choose) to be uncomfortable?
I’m pretty sure everyone has seen some form of this picture before. The little circle labeled “Your comfort zone” and the much bigger circle outside of it that says: “Where the magic happens.”
Totally one of those lessons that is ridiculously cliche but also SO TRUE, to the point that it kinda makes you angry. Like when someone tells you to “relax” and you already know you need to relax… so you’re all “DON’T TELL ME I NEED TO RELAX!” and it makes it worse. And then however many minutes/hours/days later when you finally DO relax and make the connection that, “Oh wow! I’m actually relaxing and this is exactly what I needed all along…” You can’t help but follow up that realization with a “DAMN YOU, [insert name of person who told you to chill out before]!!”
Let’s be real, no one likes to lose or be proven wrong. If you disagree, I don’t believe you. (But am also extremely curious about that, and would love to ask you how you do it). Also, the answer is YES. Yes I did choose that “relax” example because it happens to me all the time.
Back to my question. Why didn’t I just ask it as a matter of choosing to be uncomfortable vs. comfortable? Choosing vs. not choosing discomfort was intentional, because NOT CHOOSING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE holds a fascinating dynamic that I want to explore.
From my perspective, comfort is far more tangible and certain than discomfort. Discomfort obviously does not feel very good, but beyond that – it seems like there is a higher likeliness that there will be MORE of it, felt MORE INTENSELY, than the inverse of what might be felt/imagined with comfort. Is this proven? Hell no. This is just my perception, highly influenced by a belief that discomfort possesses far more uncertainty than comfort does. Maybe the simplest explanation for my perception comes from this: the mental side effects of discomfort are usually far worse (and therefore more powerful) than the physical ones. Taken a step further, the mental stress from ANTICIPATING discomfort seems to be the real villain when it comes to embracing discomfort. Ultimately, it’s never actually as bad as we thought it would be, is it?
Um, what?
Okay. What I’m trying to address here is our own BIAS in going after things we want to “get better” at, (in whatever capacity that may be for each particular situation/area of life). Under the assumption that a) you WILL get better at “x” by stepping outside your comfort zone, and b) you ARE OPEN to stepping outside your comfort zone, what are you REALLY willing to “go there” for? What are you NOT willing and/or afraid to “go there” for?
To try and clear this up, I’ll address some of my own examples now.
A list of things I currently want to get better at as an athlete:
- Handstands, handstand pushups, handstand walking
- Pull-ups
- Toes-to-bar
- Snatch
- Sprinting
From this list, how many things am I TRULY committed to being uncomfortable with if the opportunity were to present itself?
The answer would be ONE of them. Sprinting. Why? Because I happen to love running fast. So when it comes to GOING THERE with a sprint, I welcome riding that red line. It’s not rocket science.
On the other hand, when it comes to getting to that same on-the-brink-of-failure threshold with any of the other movements listed above, I can’t say that I will always push myself to the level of discomfort that I need to in order to make progress.
And now, a much broader list of things I want to get better at:
- CrossFit, running, being a better athlete in general (Duh. Always!)
- Coaching
- Teaching
- Keeping in touch better with friends
- Love
I’m suddenly feeling a little shy.
… And this is exactly my point!!
I can genuinely say that I want to get better at all of these things. (There are plenty of other things I’d like to add in too, but a girl can only handle so many things at once, you know?!) Here’s an honest statement of what it comes down to, at this time in my life:
I am infinitely more comfortable embracing discomfort for the sake of building my physical fitness, than for anything else.
Don’t get me wrong – coaching, teaching, family and friends – I care DEEPLY about all of them!!! I never stop trying to learn, grow & build those areas of my life for the better. Talk about love or relationships though… and I will RUN THE OTHER WAY, literally and figuratively. But maybe being this way isn’t so “wrong” for me right now. So, I’m okay with that.
With regards to the things that I want to get better at, I do think that leaning into SOME discomfort is better than NONE. Do I have the self-awareness to hold myself accountable? For sure. But will I? Time will tell.
I can’t say it enough – I know I’m not the only one. We may have drastically different goals or lifestyles, but we’ve all got bias. Are we feeding that bias for the better or not? This blog is still new and I’m still feeling vulnerable about it, but I love that it’s a tool to LIVE OUT LOUD a little more. I know that it’s more powerful to live and to love with ACTION, not just words, but I’d like to believe that this is a good start.
To wrap things up… in my last post I asked, what are you searching for? Well, here’s some food for thought. Consider what’s on the other side of searching…
WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM?
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And here’s one quote to leave you with:
“Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times – although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen.”
- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, “Flow”